Pent up emotions

 Some decisions in life should not be regretted. They should rather be respected. True. But what if the consequences of that decision continue to haunt you ; so much so that you feel like reverting to it. You just can't help thinking about it. You try hard to get it off your mind but time and again it hits back with even a much greater force and energy.

I always knew, right from the beginnning, that I had too much to lose and too less to gain. And in that fear I began to isolate myself. I went to a phase of solitude where I was happy being myself (and I mean it), totally occupied in my work. People tagged me as anti-social for I seldom spent time with them. Never in my life had I been as busy as this much. I took life and my work very seriously. May be 'coz  I had put a lot many things at stake. And now, as that phase is over, I don't see things falling into their exact places. Things are not turning out my way. My dream seems to be distant yet I'm hopeful.

So, I 'm now confused. Whether I should call this period a complete waste of time or I should try learn something from it and move on in life. It is so damn easy to say "Forget about it and try and get into something else. May be something better is aligned for you". But, what could be better than get what I actually desire? Wouldn't I know what is and what is not better for me? I, however don't blame these people either. Infact I've found myself giving such peices of advice in the past. Perhaps, I never realised the senstivity of the issue that continually pervades the mind of the sufferer. Someone's rightly said "what you don't know cannot hurt you". I know, my remarks are quite premature in nature but my intution never fails especially at a time when I'm very desperate.

Anyway, whatever is destined to happen will happen (another cliche which I detest to the core). Let me go with the flow right now but I'd definetely want to see myself turning the tide in my favour. I'm just being too hopeful. Touchwood.